Of things concerning love
by X past Zero
Summary: Lucius Malfoy had an illegitimate daughter he has never met and now she is back. BuffyHarry Potter crossover. Please read
1. Youthful memories

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Harry Potter, but I do own the ideas in  
  
here.  
  
Chapter 1 - Youthful memories  
  
Lucius looked up from the book he was studying. He hated the library but this was the only  
  
way that he could be close to her.  
  
He heard her giggle gently with her friends and his heart lifted as he saw her twinkling eyes.  
  
But her smile faded as she turned to look at him. She could feel him watching her and the hairs  
  
on the back of her neck stand on end.  
  
She looked at him curiously and he bent down over his book, his cheeks flaming.  
  
He still felt her looking at him, but when he looked up she was talking to her friends again a   
  
slight frown on her face.  
  
She had noticed him and had not treated him with the same disgust the other Ravenclaws' did.  
  
He didnt' dare look at her again. Doing so woudl cause him problems if anyone noticed.  
  
He wasn't supposed to feel like this about her. She was a mudblood and he would be killed if  
  
Lord Voldemort knew. His arm hurt as he remembered the pain he had felt at his initiation as a  
  
death eater. The death eater his father had encouraged him to become. But the feelings just   
  
wouldn't go away. She was truly beautiful.  
  
His heart sank as she and her friends left but he was also relieved. What he was feeling was   
  
wrong and she was a temptation while she was around.  
  
But his mind went back to her and he looked at where she had been sitting. There was something   
  
left on her chair.  
  
He walked over to the chair, it was her scarf. He had been noticing her for sometime and he knew  
  
that she was not normally this careless.  
  
Lucius picked up the scarf. It was just a normal scarf, but the thought that it had been touching  
  
him exhilerated him in a way that he knew it musn't.  
  
Lucius was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he almost didn't notice the person standing next to  
  
him.  
  
But he did notice, for it was her.  
  
He dropped the scarf unsure of how to act. Instinctively feeling foolish he reached for the   
  
scarf to give it to her only to find his hand meeting hers.  
  
Their fingers brushed and the touch lingered. But he snatched his hand away turning away from  
  
her as he did it, scared that he would do something foolish.  
  
She blushed and looked a little hurt. When she didn't go Lucius turned around and looked at her,  
  
his eyes going wider as her blush increased.  
  
He smiled at her gently, shyly and she smiled at him looking demurely down. It was riduculous  
  
the way he was acting, like a young teenager. Yes he was a teenager, but he was the confident  
  
sneering Slytherin.  
  
His heart was beating so loudly he was sure that she could hear it, but she couldn't hear it  
  
over her own.  
  
He gulped and slid his hand to the scarf where her hand still lay. He gently got hold of her hand  
  
reassured by her warmth and acceptance.  
  
She shifted her eyes to look at her hand looking suprised by what she saw. But then she lifted  
  
her head to look at him, her chesnut eyes meeting his blue ones.  
  
When their hands met she could feel the blood coursing through him and it felt just like her own.  
  
******************  
  
But like all secret loves theirs was found out and Lucius' father sent him away as soon as he   
  
discovered it. The one thing he loved in the world was his son and he would not have his lord  
  
find out about his shame with a mudblood.  
  
Lucius always obeyed his father and one year after he left Hogwarts he married Narcissa, the  
  
perfect slytherin bride. He tried to forget her, her chesnut eyes and golden hair and he thought  
  
he had especially when Narcissa announced she was having a baby.  
  
But he met her again in Diagon alley after his return. His son Draco was 6 months old and his  
  
lord was more powerful. But she was more beautiful still.  
  
Her hair shone in the light like a ray from the sun and everything he had tried to forget came   
  
back.  
  
He regretted his acquiescent nature and for the first time in 2 years he followed his heart.  
  
She received him warily at first scared of being hurt again, but she could never control her  
  
thoughts when he was around. She loved him and he loved her, deep down she knew it was forbidden  
  
but she didn't care.  
  
  
  
She had her own shop which made meeting easier. She never demanded anything of him, knowing that  
  
he wanted to be with her, but just couldn't.  
  
But with someone with such a high profile status as Malfoy things could never be kept secret, but  
  
he didn't realise that he was being careless with his rendezvous until she disappeared   
  
inexplicably for 6 months. Narcissa was moody with him and for a while he thought that she was  
  
pregnant again.   
  
But she and Narcissa's strange behaviour were explained when he found her. He didn't find her  
  
but was lead to her after he received an anonymous owl.  
  
He apparated to where she was supposed to be,. But before he could look around,  
  
"Stupefy" he heard from a very familar voice. It was only when he gained his senses that he   
  
realised who it was. Narcissa.  
  
"You've come to see your little whore I see." she sneered at him. "How could you be so stupid to  
  
think that I wouldn't find out."  
  
He was shocked to find out that his affair had been found out. But what shocked him more was   
  
her, she was on the floor curled up in a ball.  
  
"You can't save her this time. I'm going to get rid of her for good"  
  
He struggled trying as hard as he could, but it wouldn't work.  
  
"Now, I'm asking you again nicely" she said spitting out the last word, "Where is it?"   
  
Where was what? Thought Lucius. Was this the only reason she had kept her alive to question her  
  
over something.  
  
"You'll never find out" she replied laughing slightly, she winced as it hurt her ribs to laugh  
  
too much.  
  
What was it? Why was she keeping it a secret?  
  
Narcissa turned to look at him. His confusion showing on his face.  
  
"You don't know do you my dear Lucius" she stated rather than asking.  
  
"You shore here had a child, a little baby. Didn't you now." she said turning to look at her   
  
again.  
  
"And for everything to be right it has to be gone, just like you."  
  
"Crucio" she yelled directing her wand at her. She lay on the floor writhing in pain, she tried  
  
not to scream, but she could do nothing to hold it back, the pain was too much.  
  
Lucius couldn't do anything but watch. Her screams tore at his soul. A child. He had a child with  
  
her, but she hadn't, where was his child. But her screams were what hurt most. He knew that  
  
he would never forget them. For as long as he lived her screams would haunt him.  
  
"That was fun, wasn't it" said Narcissa laughing.  
  
"Where is it?" she shouted her anger showing on her face.  
  
"You'll never find my child" she replied screaming. They would never find her daughter. She  
  
would never let them know.   
  
"Fine have it your way, but I'll find her" she paused and looked at her husband  
  
"Crucio"  
  
She was screaming again and the pain he felt was so bad that could only be compared to hers.  
  
But Narcissa stopped and looked at her husband. She released him from her spell and he fell   
  
forward as the barriers were lifted from him.  
  
He ran towards her and craddled her in his arms.  
  
"Lucius" she smiled at him.  
  
"Shh, save your strength" he whispered at her hoping that she would survive.  
  
"No Lucius I have to die" he gaped at her. Her eyes were pleading, begging him to let her go.  
  
"No you don't. You'll stay with me. We'll find our child.."  
  
"Daughter" she interrupted him.  
  
He had a daughter. He wondered what she would look like. He smiled as he thought about what she   
  
must be like.  
  
She frowned slightly, "I have to die. This isn't the fairy tale we wish it was" she continued her  
  
voice coming out in gasps.  
  
"I have to go and then she will be safe"  
  
What was she talking about. But it was only when he looked around that he noticed what there was.  
  
There were magical herbs and strange symbols.  
  
"Earth magic?" he asked her already knowing her answer. That required a lot, it required blood.  
  
It was when he realised and she nodded that he realised. She had to die for their daughter to   
  
be safe.  
  
"You don't have to go, we will be safe" he said firmly, hoping that she would change her mind.  
  
But he couldn't believe it himself and he couldn't look at her.  
  
She looked at him tears in her eyes, he hand was shaking as it went up to touch his face.   
  
It rested there for gently while she guided him to look at her.  
  
"No she will never be safe, Voldemort will kill her for your betrayal and you" she was crying now  
  
"will die." she paused as she gasped for breath.  
  
"You have to survive. You have to remember what we felt."  
  
Lucius nodded finally agreeing and realising that it was the only way. If she lived and his   
  
daughter wasn't safe they would all suffer at the hands of Voldemort.  
  
"I tried to go to Dumbledore, but he wasn't there" she was really crying now. The pain was  
  
tearing her apart and she couldn't do anything about it.  
  
Lucius felt her shake and gasp at the pain she was feeling.  
  
"It doesn't matter now. She will be safe soon" he said crying. His only love and his daughter   
  
were being taken away from him because of Voldemort and his malicious wife.  
  
She looked at him her eyes sadder than he had ever seen them before.  
  
"I'm sorry Lucius. But the spell requires magic to close it" she was looking at him, begging him  
  
for her pain and their daughter.  
  
"I need to die a magical death".  
  
Lucius looked at her unsure of what to do. His tears were rolling down his face and he didn't   
  
know what to say.  
  
"I can't. I just can't" he sputtered, burying his face into her shoulder.  
  
"You have to otherwise she won't be safe. This way she'll be safe till the day she dies" she told  
  
him her eyes pleading.  
  
"I can't. I can't kill you" he said more firmly.  
  
"Just do it Lucius. You know you have to." she paused "I know you don't want to, but you have  
  
to. I can only trust you to do this."  
  
It was such a strange way to show someone you trusted them.  
  
"I love you" whispered Lucius kissing her gently on her lips.  
  
"I know and I love you too" she replied.  
  
He lifted up his wand and turned away from her face.  
  
"See you on the otherside Lucius"  
  
"Avada Kedavra" yelled Lucius and she was gone. Her whole body went still, but there was an  
  
eerie smile on her face.  
  
He could do nothing for her now. He had to get away and leave her.  
  
But he didn't know that he didn't have to. For it was that night that Voldemort fell and Harry   
  
Potter lived. It was that night that Dumbledore wasn't there to receive her as he was with Harry.  
  
It was that night that Lucius truly started hating.  
  
*******  
  
So what do you think. More chapters will be out soon. I don't know where I am going with this,   
  
but I'll see.  
  
It's obvious who the daughter is. 


	2. Changes

Thankyou to all of you that reviewed. I really do appreciate it. It really gives me the incentive  
  
to carry on writing.  
  
Chapter 2- Changes  
  
Buffy didn't feel quite right. Since defeating the master things had been different. She  
  
couldn't quite pin-point what it was but she was smaller for one.  
  
She knew it wasn't her being paranoid. She knew she was smaller as her clothes didn't fit right  
  
and she didn't remember Angel or Xander being that tall before.  
  
She wouldn't mind if she'd got thinner, but she'd got shorter and she looked younger.  
  
Her smallness had got to such a stage that they didn't let her into the Bronze any more. Sure she  
  
was a minor, but 'hello' she'd been a minor when she'd gone in before.  
  
It was getting to be so bad that she had been asked out by various guys one year younger than her.  
  
So, they were cute but they were a whole year younger.  
  
Even Giles had notices that she wasn't as 'big' as she was before and to top it off her mum was  
  
acting really strangely.   
  
"What do you think it is Giles. Is it some kind of weird slayer thing?" Buffy asked Giles. She   
  
really wanted to get to the bottom of this before she became the size of a smurf.  
  
"I, umm. I'm not sure. I haven't come across it in my reading. But they may have been something  
  
I missed" he replied "I'll look into it" he continued while picking up one of the books from the   
  
shelf.  
  
"Oh, oh." started Willow excitedly "Do you want me to look on the net. There's some pretty nifty  
  
stuff out there." gushed Willow. She loved to help out and this was one of the few ways that she  
  
could do it.  
  
"No Willow I don't think that will be necessary" replied Giles smiling some what insincerely.  
  
Giles didn't like Willow using the computer, he had heard of some of the things you could find on  
  
the 'net' and he wasn't sure he wanted her to find them.  
  
Willow's face dropped and Buffy walked over to her friend squeezing her arm in reassuarance. She  
  
was only trying to help and Giles was just being stuffy not letting her help.  
  
"But Giles we need to get all the help we can get!" exclaimed Buffy. She just couldn't take this   
  
anymore. They had to find something out soon as to why this was happening to her and the more   
  
people there were helping, the sooner something would be found out.  
  
"I know this must be hard for you Buffy, but there has to be an explanation for this and as long  
  
as it isn't affecting your work than there is no immediate rush and Willow doesn't need to help."  
  
he looked pointedly at Willow as he said the final part.  
  
Buffy puller her skirt up. It was annoying, as everything was too big for her now and what was that  
  
about her slaying activities not being affected. THe fact that her clothes were way too big for her now  
  
definately made slaying harder as she had to focus on her clothes as well as the attacking hoards of beasties.  
  
She had thought that the whole vampire population would have calmed down after the death of the   
  
master, but she was wrong and now there were more vampires around Sunnydale.  
  
Buffy was about to say something to Giles but it was then they noticed someone standing at Giles   
  
desk. It was a boy to be exact. Giles couldn't believe how bad the situation was, here was this boy  
  
that had asked her out earlier and he was looking at her nervously. This was all getting to be too  
  
much and she couldn't take much more of this. She was getting angrier by the second.  
  
Buffy gripped the railing in the library tightly trying hard to control her emotions, but the rage  
  
and confusion all coarsed through her.   
  
She didn't notice the book cases around her start to shake until a few books fell down onto the  
  
floor.  
  
The boy that had been talking to Giles quickly walked out of the library casting one last look at  
  
Buffy as he muttered something about 'California' and 'earthquakes'.  
  
Giles and Willow both turned to look at Buffy.  
  
"Buffy?" asked Willow nervously giving her friend a worried glance.  
  
"What!" snapped Buffy in reply.  
  
It was then that Xander burst into the library.  
  
"So..WOW! What happened here" he asked look at the books on the floor around them.  
  
Buffy looked at Giles,  
  
"Find out what's wrong with me" and she stalked out of the room.  
  
Xander watched her retreating form and he turned to Willow and Giles who both seemed lost in   
  
thought.  
  
"I missed something didn't I?" he stated already knowing the answer. Why was he always the one to   
  
do these things. He had never seen Buffy that upset since before the master.  
  
Giles frowned unsure of what to look up. This was certainly not normal and that was saying a lot  
  
for his standards of 'normal'.  
  
"Oh, uh. Don't you two have lessons to go to" he said absent mindedly dismissing them from the   
  
library.  
  
Willow decided not to argue and started to walk out of the library with Xander following her. She  
  
was deeply concerned for her friend. She had never seen anything like that, unless her floating   
  
pencils could be compared to that. In a way she was jealous that Buffy got all of the attention,  
  
but she shrugged off her thoughts and set her mind to her current task and that was finding Buffy.  
  
But her thoughts were interrupted by the screams coming from the hall outside.  
  
********************  
  
Buffy didn't understand it. She knew that it had been her that made the bookcases tremble, but she   
  
couldn't do that. IT just wasn't part of the slayer package. Sure she could stop a knife centimetres  
  
from her face and face a whole pack of vampires, but this was definately Willow territory.  
  
But it had been her and she her whole body tingled as if it were on fire. It wasn't the rage or the  
  
confusion that she was feeling, but it was something else. In a way it felt like it had always  
  
been inside her, hidden. She tried to calm herself down, it was nothing. But what if it was?  
  
What if it was some kind of reaction to the master and that whole episode. Her whole body shuddered  
  
as she was reminded of that awful night. It still haunted her.  
  
Whatever it was, she had to find out before she carried on shrinking.  
  
It was when she reached her locker that she saw Cordelia and her groupies and Buffy knew this meant  
  
trouble. Her mind was tired and she knew she couldn't think of any good retort. She just hoped  
  
she could control herself.  
  
"You know Buffy, baggy clothes really aren't in this season" said Cordelia looking down at Buffy's   
  
clothes.   
  
Buffy knew she looked terrible, but there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't want to   
  
buy new clothes incase she returned to the size she was now, and with her mother acting all strange  
  
it really wasn't the time to ask for new clothes. Stupid Cordelia with her perfect hair and perfect  
  
clothes.  
  
But Buffy didn't have to worry about coming up with a good comment for Cordelia started screaming  
  
and she ran away from her.   
  
Cordelia had no clothes on save for her underwear. Cordelia's friends were horrified, some of the  
  
boys were smiling at her retreating back, but Buffy wanted to run.  
  
She hadn't meant to. It had just happened. It wasn't her fault.  
  
By the time Xander and Willow had reached Buffy's locker she was gone.  
  
*************  
  
BUffy sat alone in the park. It was strange how nice the park looked in the daylight, it didn't hold  
  
the same menace as it did during the night. It was probably because there were no vampires out looking  
  
for their evening meal.  
  
Even though running hadn't been the wisest thing to do as explaining her disappearance would cause  
  
her more trouble than it was worth, she enjoyed being alone. In the warm sunlight things didn't  
  
seem too bad. She wasn't a vampire, that was a plus and she wasn't dead, that was definately a plus.  
  
So she'd shrunk a little, she could cope with that.  
  
But that wasn't the problem. It was what happened when she got too emotional. Nothing like that had   
  
ever happened to her before and she didn't quite know what to expect.  
  
What if she was going crazy and this was all just some wacky nightmare.  
  
The swings started to move erratically.  
  
Just calm down Buffy. Breathe. There's nothing wrong. There will be a perfectly normal explanation.  
  
What if some of the master's powers had been transferred to her after he had bitten her? Normal, yeah  
  
right. Absolutley nothing in her life was normal, and this was now on the top of her un-normal list.  
  
It was getting later now and the sun was starting to set. It was strange that now the park had   
  
become almost deserted. It was almost as if all the people knew that being there after dark was  
  
dangerous. But tonight she didn't want to be here when it was dark. She wanted to be at home,  
  
safe and away from everything weird that was her life. Just a girls night in with her mom.  
  
But as soon as she walked in through the door she knew it wasn't going to be a nice night and wished  
  
that she had stayed out defending the meek and helpless people of Sunnydale.   
  
Her mom was waiting for her. 'Great' thought Buffy. She knew about her bunking school that  
  
afternoon. But it wasn't that and she really wished that it had been that. It would have been  
  
better than what she found out.  
  
**********  
  
Joyce wasn't sure how to tell Buffy. She herself wasn't sure how she knew, but it had all started  
  
the night Buffy went out with he white dress. She couldn't explain what she was feeling, but   
  
deep within herself she knew it was true.  
  
"Buffy we need to talk" Buffy's face went down. Now, what had she got herself into today. But that  
  
could wait. She had to tell her, she deserved to know.  
  
Buffy leaned against the kitchen side waiting for the explosion to happen. Joyce was playing with  
  
the mug in her hand, and the explosion never happened.   
  
"I don't know how I can tell you this but.." she paused, unsure of what to say, he words sounding  
  
strange in her own head.  
  
Buffy straightened. This wasn't the usual yell at Buffy and get it over with. This was different.  
  
This was something that she knew she didn't want to know.  
  
Joyce started again, "I know this is going to sound really crazy" she said laughing slightly. Her  
  
laugh was nervous and it echoed in the silence.  
  
"But for a while now, I've felt that things haven't been right. I know you've been doing OK  
  
at school, but it's not that. It's something else." She was staring down at her mug, not   
  
wanting to look up at Buffy.  
  
"I.. I'm not your mother" she finally blurted out. She didn't look up. SHe didn't want to. She  
  
didn't want to see Buffy's look of shock and disgust.  
  
"What do you mean you're not my mother?" asked Buffy her voice trembling slightly and her lip  
  
curled slightly as she felt the tears come to her eyes.  
  
"It's what I said, I'm not your mother" replied Joyce more firmly this time.  
  
Buffy, didn't understand what was going on. Why hadn't she been told. But she hadn't needed to be  
  
told, she had felt it. She had felt it since she had started to change. The feelings that had once  
  
been there, were gone only to be left with memories.  
  
As realization dawned on her she had to ask her a question "Was I adopted?"  
  
Joyce looked up startled by the question and Buffy's distant tone. She hadn't been expecting that  
  
question, and it wasn't a question that she could answer.  
  
"As, I said before, I know this sounds crazy. But I didn't have you and I didn't adopt you.  
  
All I have are memories, but none of the memories ever show where you came from, all of a sudden  
  
you were just there"  
  
It would have sounded crazy, but Buffy felt the same thing. She wouldn't have remembered her birth  
  
but she didn't feel anything at all towards the woman standing in front of her. She felt concern  
  
and compassion, but none of the love that had a few days ago been so real to her.  
  
"Where did I come from?" asked Buffy more firmly.  
  
Joyce reached out to touch Buffy, but she moved away, feeling deceived somehow. Joyce retracted   
  
her hand and clasped her hands together in front of her.  
  
"I don't know. It's as I said. You were all of a sudden there! I thought I was going mad" she   
  
said laughing again. "But I looked in all of my papers. I can't find a birth certificate or any  
  
kind of papers for you. I called around. I even called your father, but there are no papers."  
  
Buffy didn't know how to react. Her whole life had been a lie and nobody had realised until recently.  
  
Joyce gripped the mug in her hands more tightly not sure how the young girl in front of her would  
  
react.  
  
It all felt like some kind of sick joke, but it was real and there was nothing she could do about it.  
  
She put the mug down on the side and trying to find something to do, but it wasn't helping.  
  
Nothing was helping. There was an awkwardness between them that seemed strangely natural.  
  
Tears were falling down Buffy's face and Joyce didn't know what to do. At one time she would have  
  
comforted her, but it would have been so false if she did it now.  
  
Buffy wiped away the tears angrily, she was annoyed at this whole situation. She wasn't upset,  
  
it wasn't that. She felt nothing whatsover towards the woman that she had at one point called mom.  
  
Everything was just wrong. These things didn't just happen. There was a reason, and in her head  
  
Buffy was sure there was an answer, but it just didn't come.  
  
The silence was uneverving and Buffy stalked out of the kitchen into the dining room.  
  
Joyce followed her, unsure of how she should behave,  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"What am I supposed to do? Can you tell me that?" shouted Buffy, her fear and anguish finally   
  
coming out. But some things were finally making sense in her mind. She had never told Joyce about  
  
being the slayer, but it had been fine telling Willow, Xander and Jesse.  
  
"Buffy, in my mind you're still my daughter, but..."  
  
"Not in your heart" finished off Buffy. There was no anger directed towards Joyce, but towards   
  
the whole situation.  
  
"You can stay here. This is still your home" continued Joyce. Her words were sincere as Buffy knew  
  
them to be so. But it wasn't right. She had to know. Where did she come from.  
  
"But who am I? Where did I come from?" replied Buffy, "You don't get it do you. There have been  
  
some pretty big and weird things going on in my life and if I just knew that it might explain it"  
  
continued Buffy.  
  
It was strange, but now that she knew she wasn't her daughter, she didn't have to keep on   
  
pretending. She could be who she really was.  
  
"I don't want to stay here and you sure don't want me here" started Buffy.  
  
"Buffy that's not true" interupted Joyce a frown forming on her face at the way that Buffy was   
  
behaving.  
  
"Then why did you tell me 'mom'" the last word was spat out, "There's a reason you told me,  
  
and you know it just as I do. It doesn't feel right anymore. The lie isn't working anymore  
  
and all I want to know is the truth and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to find it here."  
  
Buffy stopped as she felt her breath being taken away by gasping sobs.  
  
"So where are you going to go?" asked Joyce. She was concerned but at the same time she was relieved.  
  
It hadn't been what she was expecting, but it had been what she had wanted.  
  
"I don't know" replied Buffy firmly, "But I need time and when I know I'll let you know. You  
  
deserve that much" finished Buffy realizing how much she owed this woman.  
  
Buffy left the house then. The door was left open swinging from side to side in the breeze, and  
  
Joyce remembered rocking Buffy to sleep in her arms. The lies they were all out in the open and  
  
the baby that had once been so real was gone forever from her life.  
  
-------------------------------  
  
So what do you think? I'll get to Harry Potter characters soon. 


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